I’ve always admired that girl you see on her way home from the gym or some sort of physical activity. She’s confident and fit. She’s dressed in a regular t-shirt, and regular training pants, she really isn’t waiting for your approval. She’s definitely not skinny, but slender and strong. She’s so beautiful in her own nature and comfortable in her own skin. She’s independent.
She is not pampered by everyone, and she won’t pretend to be dumb to try to get your attention. She’s just her, she’s innocent yet not naïve. Her life is clean, because that’s how she eats, but she doesn’t do it because it’s the hip thing to do, she really does enjoy real things. She sure does have an appetite, but she doesn’t feel guilty about the burger she has every once in a while, and she doesn’t pretend to be a light eater in front of you.
Our girl is definitely not a pro at what she plays, but she’s a pro at balancing it along with the many other stimulating things she turns her life into. She’s not working out for gold medals, she’s doing it because it cleanses her body, mind and soul.
She’s not a showoff, but she appreciates it when you notice her untaught charm. She’s the middle of all extremes, she’s the combination you don’t easily find. She’s bonafide.
James Clear wrote some great stuff about identity-based goals and habits. He mostly writes about habits, and how to change them. When I first read his blog, the idea of identity-based goals and habits was completely new to me, I prefer to call it visionary becoming though. Because to find out what you want or who you want to be, you have to creatively and intuitively let your imagination run wild, without limits. You can read more about the idea here, but in a nutshell, it’s about choosing goals that are identity based rather than any other type of goal. For example, if you want to be more physically active, tell yourself “I’m the type of person who always takes the stairs,” or “I enjoy taking a walk everyday,” instead of, “I want to lose 10 kilograms.”
Doesn’t that feel better? Isn’t it more likely that you would accomplish it?
Like a lot of people, I used to beat myself up a lot about not losing weight, mainly because I never stayed consistent with my eating habits or workouts. This is changing. This is the girl I want to be. I want to be admired by people like me, to help them realise they should believe in themselves. I want my few good values to affect how productive my life is in all its other aspects. I want to be strong, even if I don’t look perfect to you. I want to love the self I have crafted with compassion. Why did I just write this? Because I’ve lived most of my life thinking that that skinny girl is better.
What I forgot to tell myself along the way was that, it isn’t about anyone else, it’s about me. She isn’t better, and I’m not better either. She might be better off though. Might.
Still, I’m the hero of my own life. I am not going to be the victim, I’m going to own it. At least I have a reminder early on in my life to be healthy, I wasn’t just born skinny. I’m on my journey to fitness.
PS: Remember to really savour your good genes, your fast metabolism, and your health and wellness. They don’t last long if you’re not aware. I would know.
So next time you’re setting a goal, think about who you want to be, rather than what you want to be.